I wanted to believe, so badly. It’s so damn hard to do this, what we do. All alone, and there’s so much evil out in the world, Dean, I feel like I could drown in it. And when I think about my destiny and how I could end up […] And I needed to think that there’s something else watching too, y’know?  Some… higher power…some greater good.  And then maybe…maybe I could be saved.